1950s, where are you?

As established before I like reading the personals on Craigslist.

Favorite titles of the night: Pissed off and looking - 25, Anyone looking to get pregnant -28, Black business man w/NO KIDS! LOL looking for true love> - 25, Looking for a semi-traditional Indian Woman- 29, Times are tough...survival doesn't have to be! - 48, Playin solitaire till dawn -44, wife is gone tonight - 45, Black man w/Herpes -29,

An interesting spin on going to prison (not full post):
My name is Steve I don't have a license and won't get it back for another year, I have been to prison twice once when i was 18 and I did a year about two years ago. I am not covered in tats and never stabbed anyone. I went to prison for driving believe it or not my whole life I drove and right when I am about to get my license back I get caught driving eventually it turns into felonies.......Did you know Tim allen was in prison before Tool time.

When you read this you will be trying to figure out this riddle too:
I am a 56 year old, attached, white professional male and i would love to find a female of any age, size, or race who would be willing and has the guts to help me out with a very nasty, wet, fetish. You should be located in the St. Louis area. You must also be on the dominant side. I warn you that this could be extremely disgusting to you. I don’t think you realize how filthy this fetish is. You must be extremely uninhibited and open to absolutely anything except pain. Hey, you only live once and there is no pain involved. The ideal person for this is someone wild and open to absolutely anything and I mean anything. Just think of the most disgusting thing that a man and a woman can do together. I am looking to get together any weekday afternoon. I am not necessarily looking to get off, i can leave my clothes on if you like, but you will get off often. I'm betting you right now you don't have the nerve to do this with me. Write me for explicit details, if you think you have what it takes. I hear from a lot of ladies who say they will do anything or nothing is to nasty for them......until they find out what it is......then i don't hear back from them. Are you one of them? Please, please don't waste my time unless you really have an interest in getting extremely nasty and dirty with me. All I can think about is sex with a dead animals or taking a crap on his face.

This one confuses the crap out of me how he got this kind of text/font/color on a craigs list ad. Oh, and what he writes is pretty ridiculous too. Evil Genius Seeks Bond Girl - 28.

Sometimes I feel out of place being a semi-old fashioned girl.

taskmaster...

....but not a hypocrite. don't worry, I'm doing my tasks too. the super secret one will be implemented this weekend for miz sarah since my camera battery charger magically reappeared in my nightstand drawer. the other, the doozy, well it's started and should be finished hopefully this weekend. So it is wiht these assurances that I a. demand pictures of your tidied and sexed up bedroom and b. issue you a new task.

This week your task is to take an AT LEAST fifteen minute walk around your neighborhood every day and sightsee. Pretend you are a tourist in your own neck of the woods. Take pictures and make notes about weird neighbors and funny sites you see. Explore a nearby store you've never been in. Sit in the park and feed the squirrels. Shape it however you like it, but I want a post or two with some documentation.

I'm like a bird

I am sans makeup or a brushed head of hair but I had to display the headband I got for $1.30. It reminds me of those exotic crazy looking chickens. I am trying to figure out how I can incorporate this into everyday wear. Thoughts?

Task: Look at my outfit!

I have been waiting till I broke in this dress from Old Navy to take a picture. It just so happens to be while I'm home in Richmond. Also featured are my Nine West boots, a brown belt from Torrid, and Jameson's baby pool. Fun, right?!

Hats off to Ms. Kathleen

So you may remember one of my first task for Kathleen, which she posted on March 3rd, for little drawings from her. Well I was devious because I had another reason for the request besides making a diorama. I spent several hours at the wheel of Photoshop and online blogs learning about changing code in templates to create this beautiful Kathleen inspired background.

Enjoy!

Do you like Kathleen's cartoons and doodles as much as I do? You can always buy some for your very own! Kathleen's Lil Grocery Store

Cooking Task: Easier than an Ice Cream Sunday (because pie isn't that easy)

I tried to avoid the cliche "Curry in a Hurry," but I promise you if you want to venture into curry THIS is the dish from The Kitchn blog "Potato and Cauliflower Curry." I felt like I was at an Indian buffet when I added the spices and the scents filled my kitchen. It smelled beautiful, tasted beautiful and didn't stress me out to make, or stress my budget. Don't forget the Jasmine Rice or to salt it at the end.

Cross your scissors and fingers

I entered the Love Shrine Kathleen gave me for Christmas 2008 into the Craft Chica Challenge: Love Shrine. Wish her luck!

The three sides stand for past present and future. I added a locket I asked for one Christmas after I had my first crush and needed a proper way to display my feelings. I added half of a heart necklace that my mother got for me and Lindsay while we living separately when I first moved to St. Louis. Also there is a picture of my parents from the very beginning of their marriage.

I featured some of my favorite things at the bottom: The anatomic heart made from sculpty clay, the details like embroidering Present on ribbon, Frida and a wish box to put love wishes in.

martha an' me

martha's version

me, with the oven mitts sarah made me, looking crazy after a day of workin' and pumpkin bakin'

the table

okay, so i cheated for now on task three. In order to make the deadline and use the stuff I already had in my fridge, I had to make a martha recipe, not a real simple one. I swear when i do make my salmon and green beans in brown butter i'll post it as well ( i know you are all sitting with bated breath) but for now you'll just have to deal with pumpkin enchiladas.

Oh my my, oh hell yes, honey put on that party dress.

When Kathleen told me I had a new task I got totally distracted in finding another task for you m'dear. Then I found inspiration.

Your first task is a doozie. For that simple fact I want you to take two and a half weeks for it, but if you whip something out before then I won't complain. This is going to be called Operation S.S. drop. S.S. standing for Short Story! I have been going back and forth about if I want to give you a topic or not. I will voice my choices and in the name of free will you can pick any of them or none at all. Be free sweet writing spirit!

Choices:

• A girl that owns too many mass market novels.
• Adventures in a new city
• Facing a past lover
• A farting mouse
• Story behind the lyrics to a good song
• A tellenuvela soap opera story.

Your second task. Its so secret. That I'm not even telling my cats! You will recieve further instructions in an undisclosed manner. Be aware of the signs! WooOOoooOOoo.

The above heart cross stitched heart pin is something I'm jones for, made by thepinpals and available on etsy.

New task time

Okay we've had some time on our first sets of tasks and for both of us the last one is to make an inspirational home cooked meal, which we will both get around to tomorrowish, jumbalaya and ingredients willing. SO little lady, here are your newer instructions:

# 1: Everyone secretly wants to take pictures of themselves looking like urban models in their cutest outfits. it's why we buy full length mirrors. so, go ahead and do it. post a picture of your most innovative ensem (or two) from the course of the week.

#2: yer bedroom. the last person you had in your boudoir was me, and it shows. focus this week/ weekend's cleaning time on sexing up your love nest. Pick up your socks (socks are the least sexy article of clothing known to mankind, apart from dick muffs) and clothing from the floor, vaccuum your rug (literally, you guttermind), clean off your dresser, and put all that makeup shit back in the bathroom. The only thing I want on that little table in the corner is a vase for the flowers at the end of this that  you'll buy for yourself. take this as a mental bikini wax. you need to do some love tidying. have fun with it too. figure out where best to hang your new art. come up with some new lighting ideas, buy yourself a new velvet curtain. DON'T get caught up in non-visible problem areas like your drawers, dresser, closet, etc. just shove everything out of sight and we can worry about nit picky tidying later. Right now, clean up your dirty room. I want photo documentation.

Task Two

Okay so I said I might have to bend the rules a bit. I actually sewed this big silly flower ribbon onto this sweater earlier during the day of your post, but it was a project I had been thinking about for a while, and after fur coat pockets were done, it was probably the last clothing project that I had lying around. I bought the sweater at a thrift shop and it had a funny pink logo with standing lions and something like the words 'rude girl,' but not quite, embroidered on it. I had bought it thinking I would cover it somehow. The ribbon i got for a dollar at a crazy ramshackle 'store' across from a local pub, where i also bought red bloomers, where agent 99 got our streetlight bar lamp and sarah and mike bought a giant, ceramic bull's head. Previously I had pinned the ribbon onto the sweater to try the look, not ready to commit to having the ribbon permanently attached. But after months of it just being tied around my lamp, i decided to go for it and sew it on, and I'm pretty pleased with the results. 

Pick my next print!

Often I browse through etsy like it were the only open store on a saturday night. I find myself bookmarking several pages of possible additions for my walls (especially since now I hang stuff). Leave a comment and let me know which one is your favorite. Or introduce me to something you think I would like.

Partners in Crime by ashleyg; hipster deer by nearmoderndisaster; Billy Goat by Berkly Illustration
Lion Face by sheridesthelion; delectable duo by nateduval; Tijuana Girl by gracegallery

Task 1 from Kathleen: Hang yo stuff!

As you can see my before is pretty pathetic it was one canvas that I got at Garden Ridge from one of my favorite textile designer/artist Kim Parker. Hello after! As I read in a recent blog "Don't decorate, curate!"

Curious as to the collection of goodies on my wall? Lets go through them!

1. A collage that Jess made me Christmas of 2003 (it could have been earlier). It has always been that one piece that I always have on my wall. I moved it in from the craft room.
2. This is my only try at oil paint. Yes it is a bleeding vag. Its titled "My Blue Period."
3. A print I bought on Etsy twoish years ago. It has a couple, a guy with a keyboard and the girl with a sewing machine and "Home Sweet Home" above them. Though I'm proud of this frame, a Goodwill find, I painted it Black Cherry with the rim molding in Victorian Green then once over with a gloss finish. Yeah I know, snazzy.
4. Picture of old fashion soda shop bottles, got it at Michael's when I was in high school and I finally framed it with an old barn wood frame to compliment the nostalgic feel.
5. A mixed media canvas I bought a year and a half ago at The Big Ass Indie Craft Festival put on by the St. Louis Craft Mafia.
6. A simple greeting card that says "Behind every clever girl is a guy with a beard and glasses."
7. I can't think of the name of this collection but you usually find these cards in those hipster card shops like in Cary Town (Richmond) or The Loop (St. Louis). This was another Jess gift as a birthday card, "You're the strangest person I've ever met she said and I said you too & we decided we'd known each other a long time."
8. Kathleen brought this home from her semester abroad in Espana. You'll notice I don't have it framed, I refuse to cut it down in size and its going to take a custom frame. Also I was inspired about an article about not framing all your work to make it feel less like a museum.
9. This piece is of needle work was done by one of my mother's students before I was born, "War is not healthy for children and other living things." I found it deep down in one of her files and have cherished it since.

Stop Motion.

Stop motion always reminds me of red light green light. I have been in love with the music video Her Morning Elegance for singer/songwriter Oren Lavie (Figure 7.1) for about a year since I got it free one week on iTunes. Now I think I found an amazing video by the same director featuring A Fine Frenzy song (Figure 7.2)- and it is even MORE spectacular.

Figure 7.1

Figure 7.2

I am not this motivated for pleasure..

"Oh no I'm out of batteries and there is a power outage, how will I ever get off?" Have no fear, there is The Earth Angel. Just like the radio my mom bought me from Lillian Vernon you crank it to create the power.

Why was the subtitle to this "The worlds first green sex toy." and not "Crank it and then you can Spank it." Not that makes too much sense but I enjoy a good play on words.

Task Three

Here is a sample of the clip art I made for Sarah as per instruction number three a couple posts back.  I did lots of stuff, mostly random, and perhaps not diorama material, but it was really nice to sit and spend some time drawing. Good luck crafting, Hot Momma!

Kids say the darndest things

Texas Statehood Necklace gold by brookadelphia $45; A Toast to Georgia by JHill Design $20

I was reading one of my new favorite blogs Down and Out Chic, when one particular entry caught my eye. It had state-shaped decorations from four different states.; two of them being Texas and Georgia. In fourth grade Mrs. Williams had us write a report on the state we were born in. I got a good grade and showed off my salute to Texas to my parents, only to find out I was born in Georgia.