I'm such an F-ing Twi-hard.

Now that I watched a cracked out version of the teaser trailer they posted it the net shortly after. I've watched it 25 times. I'm not lying. So I've watched the trailer now its time to say my prayers.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake.
God, please let me see all the Twilight movies from heaven along with the outtakes.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

New Moon Spoiler Alert

I am obsessed with this fan made spoiler of them filming in italy. New Moon is almost a wrap and tonight they are premiering the trailer on the MTV movie awards. Since I don't have cable I am getting my mom to set up the computer in front of the small tv upstairs at their house and video call me. Its like having nose bleed seats, but I hate baseball and love Vampires.

Lovely. So funy! Common Cement

I should have quoted Lady Gaga and Pussy Cat Dolls in my speech to my graduating class.

My horoscope today was designed for me.

Saturday, May 30th, 2009 -- You might feel as if you've lost your momentum at work or, perhaps, your status within your community has suffered. Now, however, you are ready to make a stand, for things have slipped backwards far enough. But don't get sidetracked with what others think about you. Instead, concentrate on your goals and simply try to meet your own expectations.

Damn Gina, stop presurring me to move in.

what i meant when i told emily wexler she dances like a crazy person.

i've been thinking about this a lot because of course, what i said did not come out right and i'm terrified of hurting emily's feelings when what i really want to do is explain that to me watching her dances is like discovering the truth.

i hate words like raw and visceral, so we're not going to use them here. what i'm trying to do  is explain what i meant by crazy, which might be impossible, because the more i think about it, there is no language for what i'm trying to explain. if you ask emily, she'll probably tell you she is truly crazy sometimes, crazy in the literal, but that's not at all what i'm going for. Is there a word that leaves the actions but removes the helplessness of being crazed? that strips desperation of its negative connotation and leaves it with only its force? somewhere in the spaces between these definitions is the word i'm looking for. 

it's true that emily and i are friends, so i am predisposed to like the work she creates. not simply for any reasons of loyalty, either, but because we share the same tastes. i do not, however, think we are alone. there is a community of us who feel ourselves in that not-really-crazy crazy that i'm trying so desperately in vain to qualify. to us emily's dances are a boon. watching her is mesmerizing, it's as if that urge that sometimes compels me to kick furniture or scream uncontrollably  is made manifest in her work. and all the while it's so logical. when you feel your life is out of control and you can't even stand to be in the skin you're in, rub it off. when you feel pain and loss and heartbreak, break something. this is an oversimplification, obviously, but these moments that have such clarity for me are at the heart of why i am transfixed when i'm watching her. what i see seems so nakedly honest and true that it's hard to explain it further. 

i'm thinking of amending what i said earlier. i don't think there is a community of people who feel they are a little bit crazy but not really. i think ALL of us feel that way every now and again. maybe i meant crazy on a wide enough scale that it goes back to normal, or maybe what i mean is that when i say crazy i mean real.  

They are wearing our hats!

Check out this cute little band Ear Pwr (blog and myspace- may I recommend "i like waterslide" song?) Do these cheap Michael's hats look familiar? Me and K had some fun of our own with an elephant and alien hat from her recent trip to the STL.

In vegas the odds are stacked against you on the roulette wheel

I feel like I'm on a roulette wheel. Ugh, its just like the tire swing with my cousins and I'm getting sick from all the moving around and want to stop.

I don't know where to place my bets. I don't know whether to play it safe and walk out with the money in my pocket or to ride it out.

Good thing you don't need a poker face in roulette, I certainly don't have one!

So I have an obsession with my newphew Jameson.

This is a tribute to this past weekend where my sister and brother-n-law made me watch a whole season of King of the Hill. I subjected their child to the wrath of my camera! (Well I just had it constantly clicking). Look how big he is! Look how much my sister is a mother- freaky!

puttin' on the ritz among other things.

am i the only one who, in addition to being in the throes of quarter life confusion, is unsure how to dress any more? 

i'll confess i just bought these in black. i like the literalism of the shape, haha a ballet flat, get it? but this blush pair is a little too close for comfort. i don't wear track cleats for fashion, so why would i buy a pair of point shoes? seems like i'm the only one, all sorts of reviewers and bloggers are gushing about this color. it's part of a greater trend i'm noticing, of dressing up instead of getting dressed. 

What is the uniform of adulthood for our generation? There used to be a sort of graduation in clothing. You started in knee socks, you progressed to garter belts. but what type of guidance can we expect when 13 year old girls wear the same shoes and underwear as 50 year old hookers? when any minute urban outfitters will drop its new summer line and everyone is going to be running around in cutoffs and burkas? 

don't get me wrong, i don't want people to stop being kooky and wearing backpacks made from stuffed animals when they're 47; nothing gives me more pleasure in life than seeing things like that. i'm just not sure how to gracefully grow and dress older myself. i can't throw in with the nudist lot either- i don't understand their rules any better. i know, i know, you want to be a naturist. that's cool man. but why do you wear sneakers and ankle socks then? why are the soles of your feet where you decide to get sensible? if you're going to protect anything from the harshness of outdoors, shouldn't it be your bits and pieces?

so can someone just give me the rules? tell me the length of skirts in inches on a sliding scale that coincides with my age? tell me when to retire t-shirts in neon colors with care bears and cartoon strawberries on them? can someone just tell me when i hit that spot in the middle of the venn diagram between stylish and appropriate?

I need a little karmic help finding my VA tax check.

If you were a check refunding tax money from Virginia, where would you be??

Thank you Recession.

Thank you Recession, for not laying me off yet.

If you have 30 mins, this little blip will educate and make parts of your heart warm.
I enjoy the credits where people talk about what they are thankful for in these tough times.

Like I Give A Frock.

I am going to read Like I Give A Frock: Fashion Forecasts and Meaningless Misguidance just because the description on the Chronicle Book's website.

Like I Give a Frock -- Wonder when a baguette became a bag and not just a hunk of bread? (Fendi, 1998.) Or when it became acceptable to wear a tracksuit to the supermarket? (It didn't.) Fishnets at work? How to conceal the misfortune of the cankle? Fashion forecaster Michi answers all. In this stylish primer, she tells it like it is: No one looks good in mustard, unless you’re a hot dog. Matching whimsy with brutal honesty, Like I Give a Frock packs fashion illustration and musings into the prettiest package around. Kat Macleod's stunning collages bring Michi's wisdom to life.

Pretty excited about concealing the misfortune of the cankle. If my mother's mom is any reflection of how I'll end up I'm going to have that 10Ib.-weights-stapped -to-my-ankle look. Also the free background pictures are fun. I have the Clearly you have such amazing taste up on my work computer.

remember when i broke your heart?

so i'm making sarah read this wizard detective series that i'm obsessed with (yeah, just try and laugh at me. the author is like a martial arts warrior. he'll come ninja your ass.) called The Harry Dresden files. they are so so good. right now i have to apologize to her though, because i didn't warn her about some potentially upsetting things that happen in one of harry's relationships. sarah is a sensitive girl, in a really beautiful way. but now she is upset and had to stay up late reading a happy ending scene in twilight to calm her down. i'm sorry sarah, i knew it was coming, but i didn't want you to stop reading the series. it was selfish and i hurt you. of course now you have a real relationship on your hands ( i hurt you for my own gain, you still talk to me but you don't know why...) instead of only a fake one .  so really being sad over a fictitious romance doesn't seem so bad! hope i cheered you up. i love you. (i won't do it again baby, i promise) 

suddenly, i give a f@#$ about socks.

it's weird but i think co-habitating with the significant other ( p.s. let's talk about this phrase and how bizzaro it is. is everyone you're not sleeping with an insignificant other? why do you say other? because you're the only one that matters except for one other- that significant one? deserves further investigation) tangets aside, it's weird but i think co-habitating with the significant other has got me acting in strange ways. i am constantly having battles with myself over whether the things i feel are legit, or if some weird monster larvae my mother installed in me years ago has crawled out and taken over. since when do i care if there are socks on the floor, even if there is a whole nest of them? my bachelorette kitchen was a disaster- so why do all the dishes have to be clean now? because they are not my dishes. my shit is still piled haphazardly around the house,but that's okay because i know it has a greater purpose to be fulfilled in the coming days and or weeks. also it's mine. there is the real truth. it is hard for me to be in shared territory. am i hearkening back to my only child days, or is living in another place just manifesting the usual craziness in new ways? or maybe the same ways, except now i have  someone to witness  my neurotic inability to feel at home if there isn't at least one blue wall? i don't know. i just wish i could spend a day in my apartment without feeling guilty about the mounds of laundry i'm trying to cajole myself into tackling. is this a common thing? or a curse placed on us as we get older? a side effect that gears up with our biological clock? how terrifying. i am working on methods of therapy. my next day off i'm going to read magazines- those little postcard subscription cards be damned, they can just stay on the floor. and i'm going to eat graham crackers in bed. 

Paid my respects.

Yesterday I went to the graveyard and visited some old friends that have passed away. No they weren't corposes but Published Magazines that have been recently discontinued. Standing at my local Barnes and Noble's magazine rack I kept seeing old titles that were filling space, one last time, before they were taken off for good. This poor economy has put several of my favorites Craft:, Domino and Sew Savvy into extension. Lets not forget about our friends that have been missed for longer than a year now: Jane, Adorn, BluePrint.. just to name a few. I picked up the latest copy of Miss Behave and Nylon, but I also said my goodbyes to a few faces I won't ever see again except in my dentist's office torn at the seams, symbolic of my heart.

sarah rogers

listen, i side clicked you at dinner---quick techno-ethical aside, i know side clicking is bad form, but is it if you are in the middle of dinner out? which is more rude? inquiring minds want to know--- with every intention of calling you back but then i got distracted by whether or not i like the mormon style dress  i bought at second mile ( i know, i know i'm a hypocrite for making fun of that one on forever 21 then buying a full on religious- cult-elasticized-bell-sleeve-down-past-your-knees romper dress) 

and in tacking cut out pictures of birds onto my walls. so i am a bad friend but i love you and i would have just left you a mesage about this and spared any followers we might have garnered, who are dying to see what's haps at 10:30 on a tues. (it's a tues, right?) night, but your inbox is full. FYI so is mine. love you.

p.s. i don't know how i underlined that first paragraph. i'm going to go to bed, so let's just ignore it. it might be that i turned the entire thing into a link of an incredibly scary mormon style dress on an even scarier website full of clothes that no adult woman should put on her body.

my answer is soup.

while i may enjoy some variants in the spring, let's face it, gazpacho is not as satisfying as corn chowder. but it's too damn hot to eat beef stew in the summer, so when the weather gets warmer, i sacrifice soup. 

Spring Compromises.

Today was a really truly beautiful day. There is little to be bummed about when it gets that time of Spring. The wind is cool, you can smell the grass and hear the birds. However there are some compromise you have to make in spring. What is mine? Pumpkin Flavoring- Lattes, Beer, Ice Cream, Cheese Cake, Raviolis, Soups- you name it. Goodbye friend, see ya in Fall. What is your compromise when the weather turns nice?

look at this beautiful thing.

Mother's Lovers

Dear Kathleen,

If we forget to get our Dad's gifts for the same holiday, I am never ever ever going to suggest we switch Dads. And.. well. I can't even say it. I think I might be sick.

Bring it on in to Plastic-ville!

I want to own a house so I can make this and paint everything

OMG, that means there are going to be parrots here!

bad carbs.

Super News!

1. I agree that twitter is stupid
2. IKEA IS AWESOME
3. I am Queen of passive aggressive emails at work
4. That stupid text miss communication is what happen to me last night.

(I can't get the whole episode to embed Grrr click here to see episode 7 of SuperNews )

You don't pass through flames to get to heaven

Adam Sandler, Jason Schwarzmen and Seth Rogen. Mama likes, mama likes.

Two telephones and several opinions.

My grandfather has a girlfriend. Its complicated because 1. They live states apart 2. They are both deteriorating in health and 3. My grandmother is still alive.

My grandmother, Lenora, resides in the more assisted care part of their nursing home, while my grandfather, Bonner, lives in the independent wing.

Effie, my grandfather's girlfriend, use to be a member of of his congregation. Shortly after her husband passed they renewed their friendship via the phone. Then small talk turned to reading books to each other. Reading only a chapter a day turned into reading two or three books a week.

At one point my Grandfather's bill got pretty pricey. No worries my Grandfather would call Effie, "I'm here" and with her free long distance she would call back.

There have been several "episodes" in the last few years where their relationship got so intense that Grandpa would not come to visit my Grandmother due to his time being consumed with Effie. I found this impressive because I could barely have a three hour conversation when I was in middle school. What do two people in their late 80s talk about? Does my former preacher grandfather have phone sex?

Well theses "episodes" usually come to a head and 4 of the 6 kids would confront my Grandfather. He apparently is very defensive, as anyone should be about their kids running their life. Though all every one's thoughts are of my Grandmother, Lenora, with her dark sunglasses and makeup applied every day, sitting there alone in her room.

My mom called tonight. This is the first Effie episode in awhile. The eldest son found letters that Effie wrote Bonner, and was disgusted by their nature. I'm not sure what they were as he is a pretty conservative man. Though once again what do two 80 year olds that talk all day have to write about each other... sex, thats all I can think off. I know its bad but I think about play on words like Bonner and boner.

During his visit my Uncle was also annoyed the time they spent with Grandma in her room, Grandpa just continually looked at his watch. My uncoordinated Grandpa also had two falls this week, from rushing to answer the phone. When she can't get him on his phone she calls the nurse's station.

Do you forsake the wife of your six kids and wife of 60+ years for someone you truly love? Can we make this call for our parents? Has anyone ever loved my Grandmother that much, to fall over to answer the phone? What does my quiet Grandmother sit and dream about all day? Can we follow our hearts at any age?

Lillith Fair Returns!

As per www.SarahMcLachlan.com News Lillith Fair is returning in Summer 2010! I'm gonna piss myself.

Old Journal

This morning I found a journal I started last November. I would write love fantasies about my crush at work. I basically made up our whole relationship from dates to inside jokes. It made me feel like someday I would find love. After re-reading the relationship-that-never-was I spent this whole morning crying.

what anniversary could be bigger than that of the victorious win of the mexican army in the battle of puebla?

so in addition to it being cinco de mayo it is also the 1 year anniversary of Louis  (Saint that is) and Sarah. you might be surprised to see me celebrating this, but i learned long ago that sometimes, if you really love  a friend you have to resolve to play nice with their significant other, even if they drive you nuts. sarah already knows how i feel about louie, but she's decided to stick it out. so you won't see me taking him to task for not doing anything special for her tonight, like taking her to red lobster for a nice meal and glass of white zinfandel, then surprising her afterwards with a couples portrait package at sears. i won't wait around for my wallet size copy, it's not happening.  and sarah has accepted this as well, so i'm going to stop telling her about my friend phil, even though he's a really great guy, and would be perfect for her. 

The sum of what I've been saying all day!

a good read

 

okay terrible name. but pretty good mystery. so named for a poem written by the famous poet whose death scotland yard detective ian rutledge is sent to investigate. wow, that was a concise little synopsis. and i explained away the silly name. how do you get jobs writing those blurbs on that backs of books again? (secretly that is my dream job). this book is the second in the series after test of wills. started reading them out of guilt, actually. the mother-son duo who wrote them came to our store for a signing and i was like one of two people to show and it was my job. 'scuse me, one of three, their driver was there too. sounds weird, but they were great. the mother was a little southern lady who was charming as hell AND had on an honest to god fur coat. 

turns out the character is really interesting. he's been diagnosed with shell shock after fighting in WWI in a time when it is socially unacceptable to have such a condition. so he hears voices, or one voice in particular. no one save his ex-fiance, his sisters and the doctors he begged to stay quiet know anything about this, so he's constantly fighting to stay professional and keep his secret. the detective with baggage is not really a new concept, but for rutledge, there is no woman coming to change his life, no one to revenge himself against. he's lonely and broken and none of his colleagues like him. he cannot talk about anything he thinks or feels, especially with other former soldiers, who see shell shock as cowardice. investigating is the only thing that keeps him sane, and not for any sort of macabre pleasure he derives from researching murder, but simply because it is a task that he can begin and see through to the end. it is what he did before the war, and returning to it gives him some sort of normalcy and control, though it tends to isolate him further from other people. for more on this refer to cover art of lone man in trenchcoat, standing in mist on high bluffs. 

Me and Seth Rogen focused in on the same things.

Probably one of the biggest let downs.

This is 13 year old Sarah. It was a rough summer with a break up and my parent's decission to home school me for 8th grade. There was one thing I was looking forward too. It wasn't my already "c" cup or becoming a "teen"ager. I watched Saturday morning cartoons with anticipation for my 13th birthday.

All X-men started getting their powers around the age of 13. I use to dream about what nature would choose for me. I knew it would either be flying or some control of nature. When my 14th birthday came around I thought maybe my mutant gene was just slow, by 15 I had come to grips with my human nature.

Sigh.

X-men Origins: Wolverine was better than any of the other X-men movies for me because I always had a crush on Gambit. Also I knew most of characters from the first three, it was nice to see new faces. Sadly there were too many for any of them to even have 15 mins on camera. Any ideas or hints on reading some of the original comics?

One more for the road

Beyond words.
I want this love.
I want to concieve after a mental institution.



Zagar is a Philly based artist. I saw his work. Amazing.

I've been watching movie trailers all morning for Breakfast

Here is what I've watched this morning and my one sentance review.
I Love You, Beth Cooper- I will watch on DVD.
Harry Potter Six- I will be mad at Ron the whole movie, hurry up July!
Transformers- Hopefully one of those better sequel deals.
Xmen Wolverine- I'll see this Sunday, I'm a big nerd.
Star Trek- How can Spock have sex without showing emotion?
Year One- I've posted this but I love it.
Adam- Guy with autism loves girl, girl likes back, girl's dad says find someone who can act right, this will be sad.
My sister's keeper- Woah, Cameron Diaz is now taking on mom roles, but I'm pretty excited about this movie because I'll watch anything with Abigail Breslin
Julia- If you like drunk bi-polars that show up late for everything and then get caught up in a kidnaping scheme this is the movie for you.
Post Grad- Thank god finally a movie about how life after college sucks, I just wish I had a hot neighbor who would take me under his wing.
Generation Fame- They told you they were going to live forever, did you not believe them?
The Proposal- Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds in a love comedy, I would have never seen them doing a love comedy, watch them as they take on new roles in a genre they know nothing about. P.S. I don't believe in getting married for visas.
The Ugly Truth- Gerald Butler is so sexy as an ass.
G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra- Navy Seals on P.C.P.
The Hangover- Its not okay to be a D. Bag.
Food I.N.C. - Food Companies are the new axis of evil.
The Garden- One of those documentaries that I will see then hate the world for a few days.
G-Force- Not realistic, if the government got rid of a spy department made out of guiena pigs they would kill them, not send them to a pet store.
Drag me to Hell- The poor girl just wants equal oppertunity at her job and by playing the rules she gets dragged to hell???

Last I am really excited about Paper Heart, a sorta documentary that I've read a lot about. The trailer just makes me that more excited. Watch for the young girl in the trailer that talks about a "perfect date" hahaha hot wings!

candy and frustration

The internet at home is patchy at best so i mainly check and/or post on my lunch breaks at work. this is super frustrating because while i can put on my serious face and look like i'm typing something official without getting caught, i can't watch any of the tantalizing videos sarah posts. it's like when you're at the mall in middle school and the mean guy with the unidentifiable accent is working at the candy express near the food court. He's the really strict one who always walks up behind you when you're trying to snitch a butter popcorn jelly belly. They're right in front of you. but you can't have 'em.