Other observations from Craigslist Personal Ads

1. Dear Mr. "i need a date tonight yes now black male race open - 33 (stl)" what the hell does that mean??

2. Dear "WTF!! - 25" to quote you: "Ok...so im really getting sick of all these fake ass people on this site!!! Is it really necessary to post something just to get someone to visit your amateur porn site? Is it really that serious!!?? Im really starting to think that there are no real people out there anymore. I guess if there are any REAL women out there looking for a REAL man than e-mail me. BTW im a 25 y/o swm...anything else u can ask me."

I bet you are really sad that you can't edit the font on Craigs list because your last line of "No bbws please, (no offense, just not my thing)" would make you look more like a fake ass person if it was bolded.

3. Dear "College grad finally... - 22 (St. Charles)" I can completley understand opening your picture in paint and covering your face. It makes total sense you want to see the other person emailing you before you reveal your sexy self. What I don't understand is why did you white out the big cock by your face. I bet it brings out your eyes. Also you didn't have to put an arrow on your shirt, I know where to find the small dicks!

4. Dear "Seeking An Age Gap Relationship - 53 (St. Peters)" You say that this "Age Gap Relationship" thing has worked for you but I question that since due to the language in the ad like this is not a sugar daddy thing, you like submissives and you are divorced. P. S. the young ones tend to point, laugh and runaway when you ask them to be your young submissive thang but not pay for their stuff, hello, its the only benefit for the age gap in the first place!

5. Dear "Best Guy on CL -26" This line: "I'm posting this on Friday evening. It's sunny and beautiful outside - last night was amazing too! The Cardinals clenched the division." in fact does NOT "prove this is real." My best guy on craigslist does NOT know that the Cardinals clenched the division or what baseball even is, he just asks me "Michaels or JoAnns tonight honey?"

Cause I'm an idiot and I'm your boyfriend

Read this Craigslist ad and tell me it doesn't remind you of Jimmy Fallon's song Idiot Boyfriend. And yes that is the picture he included.

I hardly ever call my mom. I kicked a puppy today, and would like to kick one tomorrow. I belch, fart and scratch myself in public. If I have sex with a woman, I expect her to pay for my pizza as she's walking out the door. Then I call her sister to come over and share it with me. Then I have sex with her too. I'm short, balding, fat and stupid. The fire department has rated me as the worst chef ever! And that's the only title I've ever held. I lie, cheat and steal-- usually with the same person if possible. I eat my weight in corndogs daily. I think Rosie O'Donnell is HOT!! OMG!! I believe a woman should know her place. I pass sexually based notes to married women in church. Then I denounce christianity as Satan's religion. I will tell your brother about our sex life. And your dad, just to see if I can give him a heart attack. I think it's funny when people die of a heart attack. I'll laugh at your father's funeral. Uncontrolably! I've cheated on every woman I have ever been with, and plan to cheat on you too! You must love cheaters to be with me! I'm going to give you some type of STD-- I'll decide which one after I meet you. I quit believing in honesty after I filled out my eHarmony compatability profile and they sent me a blow up sex doll. It was a Bea Arthur model. My friends spit on me routinely. And I rarely shower. I am looking for a lady that thinks all of that is fun! Drop me a line if that is you!

Douche Bag, Can you use it in a sentance please?

Douche Bag, D-o-u-c-h-e B-a-g, Douche Bag. A douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing what he looks like and it includes his BMI of 24.

Double Douche Bag. A double douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing that he is looking for a woman with a BMI of under 26 and directs females to the Google BMI calculator in case they don't know it off the top of their head.

Just like he is going to ask a lot of questions of you if you still live at home, I am going to ask you a lot of questions if you are interested in a douche bag to the ninth power.

Unhappily Married - 28 (St. Louis West)

I don't know why but I just want to find this guy and bring my fying pan. I mean I have read worse unhappily married ads on craigslist but something about this one really gets to me. I've bolded the jerkest parts. What grosses me out the most is he would string someone, his wife, along until he has found someone to replace her. Which women reply to these ads???

Hi, I am a real guy, not some ad that will send you spam. I am attractive and in good shape. I exercise, I have a nice physique. I am 6 feet tall with blue eyes. I have a great career. I am educated. I am, like many people I suppose, not content with my home life. I am no player and I am not just looking for sex or a hookup.

What I am looking for is:

-A woman between 28 and 40. -Who also is in good shape (don't have to be perfect. Nobody is. But please, I don't want someone who has let themselves go. I have that at home).

-Who is nice and kind and can carry on a conversation.

I am not looking for a girlfriend necessarily, but I'm also not looking for just a cheap thrill. I am not looking to change your status or interfere with your life. I am a very normal fellow, not some sex addict or pervert. I'd like to get to know you via email for awhile at first and take things slowly. Eventually we can exchange pictures, then decide if we will meet. If we do meet, it will be in public somewhere. I want to get to know you as a person. If it leads to other things, great. If not, I've met a nice lady who I can count as a friend.

Is more room good or bad?

Its hard to say if more room is good or bad. More storage equals MORE CRAP especially if you run with packers like Kathleen and I. I just saw this Igloo Stand Alone Shelf Storage. I wish to the high heavens that I had the room for this. Check out the full article at Apartment Therapy.

Kathleen is going to say this is racist.

I just rediscovered Remy tonight. He really cracks me up. Plus there is nothing sexier than a parody. NOTHING!

Forget Harry Potter, I like random True Blood references.

Lisa works in another department than mine, but I walk past her desk on the way to the elevators. I have become very comfortable with her as well as the other ladies in what we call "Back Office." Lisa, Abbey and I have a comradeship when it comes to books and most things Science Fiction.

Its always a nice feeling to have that person you can walk by and say "Did you see last night episode?" and proceed in the Those-of-you-who-don't-watch-this-show-won't-understand cryptic talk.

Today Lisa insisted that I try her "bleeding" berry pie that wouldn't stop juicing. Of course no one else understood when I said she was probably a Maenad and trying to feed me a Heart Pot Pie like Mary Anne does in Season 2 Episode 8 of True Blood to Tara and Eggs. Which eating the pot pie made from Daphne's heart makes them go crazy and do the black-eyed chaotic sex thing.

I love random references like I love vampire romances.

Thats what I said!

Back on June 30th I busted out laughing while searching the St. Louis Craigslist personal Ads. Someone actually wanted someone to come to their house and sit in their tub full of noodles. The insanity went on to describe that they had to sit in there for 5 minutes, a neighbor across the hall would stop watch to make sure there was no cheating and no BYOS (bring your on sauce), no worries he had his own!

Well today my friends I was sent a little link by my Pop-Culture-Equal, my co-worker Tobben. Once again I busted out laughing when I saw the heading "20 Most Bizarre Craigslist Adverts of All Time." Telegraph is a London newspaper and immediately I was stoked to be eating my warmed over Skillet Spaghetti with some funnies to read.

Then I got to #5. I gasped to Tobben, "#5 was a St. Louis post THAT I POSTED ON MY BLOG!" I also said the post was better than just the paraphrased portion in the article.

I then had a hard time eating my chosen lunch. Then thought about how crazy small the world is. And, even though I just started a sentence with "and" and ended the last one with a preposition I would be happy to write for any national or foreign newspaper. I also wouldn't mind going over to London and snogging some blokes either.

Comber of Craigslist Crazies= HELLO DREAM JOB!

Inside my head.

This morning I fixed three eggs over easy for breakfast. I accidentally tore one of the yokes when breaking the eggs. And a magical eagle appeared to me in the eggs. So I took a picture of it and have photo shopped it a little to help you see what I saw. I wanted to save them and sell them on EBay like those people who find Jesus or Mary in toast or Cheetos, but my hunger said "Nae, let us feast on the magical eagle!"

Always a bridesmaid... hellzyeah!

So if you love weddings like I do, I'm sure you love Oncewed.com. When ever I have a sugar craving, reading this blog can give me my fill sans calories! Today I picked out some of my favorite pictures of Bridesmaids. I really enjoy my duties and the dress. I look forward to some of my friends get married soon so I can get wedding crafty again.

Every wedding needs some face 'staches! I love fun shots like this!

Forget the dress, you can totally reuse these boots!

If love floral prints that are very retro inspired! Also I love a good foot shot.

Hold those socks up!

I don't know what it is about these SWANclothing sock garters,, but I think they are awsome.