Consumer alert

        Okay so for my birthday i bought myself these Aldo Hoppins cutie booties in cognac. I love them. they go well with my wide leg pants (though sometimes i worry i look like shaggy in these get-ups, of the scooby doo variety, not of the shawty your my angel persuasion). They are comfortable even though they have a heel. BUT ladies (and maybe some gents) do not buy them! They are $90 bucks and if you tack on the extra spray for keeping 'em safe in the rain you're looking at $100 bucks. The spray is fine, great even. Though they are leather they hold up well in the rain. What has not held up, however, is the cheapo laminate on the heel. It's the equivalent of wood panelng for a shoe. or poorly hung wall paper. it has peeled and scratched off and now my shoes have this weird inch of exposed white plastic on either heel. Also, the sole seems to be getting dangerously thin. I know I am hard on shoes, and the eight miles a day i'm clocking 'cause of the septa strike ain't helping, but these were pretty rocked before my morning march. Alli'm saying i, if they'd been $20? Totally worth it. As is, I'm pissed. But you don't have to be. There's an almost identical, though darker, style at payless. I know their shoes can be cheaply made, but at least they'll have the price tag to show for it. 

New Moon to wipe out the dusk of Twilight

Yesterday I got an email from iTunes. My preorder of the New Moon soundtrack was ready to download. Originally slated for a October 20th release, they bumped it up to the October 16th. I wish they would do the same with the movie, but the soundtrack is different from all the money they've spent on trailers and posters for the main feast.

My anticipation for the soundtrack did not come from the okayish Twilight soundtrack or the mystery surrounding the sequel. I will be glad that I will have not seen the full movie in segments by the time it is finished and in theaters, unlike its predecessor.

In terms of the soundtrack as I explained to Kathleen the songs were good threads that felt right during the movie but listening back to back in their entirety wasn't enjoyable. Reading the Bust Magazine's Blog review from Eliza really hit the nail of the head, "The last one was laughably terrible and full of your standard Hot Topic fare."

My anticipation came when I saw some of the names being thrown around as possibilities, as read on Twilight Lexicon (King of Kings for Bella and Edward lovers). When I preordered my digital copy I also got one single Satellite Heart by Anya Marina. Hello goosebumps. Now that I have all 19 gems? Its smooth, its dark, its the loss of your first love and me like! Just don't hold a gun to my head and ask me to choose between Whip It and New Moon for favorite soundtrack bought this month, or even this year.

i have returned..

..not necessarily triumphant. I took the GRE's and am coming out of the mourning my less than stellar score. how can a person spend so much time studying and still not break 700 on verbal...and let's leave math alone. 

BUT, as I said, I am done mourning. Today i am enjoign a study free saturday. I'm wearing the tuxedo t-shirt (complete with red carnation) that agent 99 bought from the five below and reading Dracula (illustrated by Edward Gorey)  in bed. Also listening to Van Helsing's Jukebox, an excellent song by Man Man, and feeling very black and white and red and grown up Halloween chic. I think black and red and white are in fact Halloween colors for grown ups. I know, I know, Halloween is in essence a children's holiday, but I can't help loving that creepy, lovely feeling that steals over me in October. Hence my attempts to celebrate in my own fashion. And le tme tell ou, this book is quite creepy. Dracula is scaling walls headfirst, climbing with his toes and fingers, he's running around as a wolf and feeding kidnapped children in burlap sacks to his succubi. He is also draining the lovely Lucy Westerna dry, though she has been hiding the evidence under a velvet ribbon and diamond buckle choker. 

The only thing I wish is that Edward hadn't drawn only the backside of the Count. I wand to see his Sam Eliott style moustache and I also wish he didn't resemble an outdoor park trench coat pervert quite so much. 

How can a piece of cardstock that is 2 x 1 inchs give me such a complex?

This past week some of us got business cards. I blurred the numbers since they are not for the public. Besides the fact I can now put them in a bowl for a free Chipotle Burrito drawing, I am a little freaked about having such an adult thing in my possession. It seems really surreal to me. If I was Alice in Wonderland this business card is the note on the corporate juice bottle: Drink Me.

My favorite short film so far of 2009.

Obvious Child from Gillian Robespierre on Vimeo.

Jenny Slate in the new girl on SNL. Though after her first show, she'll probably be known as "That girl that dropped the F-Bomb." Bust Magazine's blog had a link to a short film that Jenny did pre-Saturday Night. This is a beautiful glimpse of a woman I can relate too. I can relate to her because her life is messy, she dances crazy, knows the value of a thrift store, pees in public and she can admit that heart hurts. I look forward to seeing more of Ms. F-ing Slate and the director Gillian Robespierre. P.S. Handle Bar mustaches distract me too.

RFT's Best of St. Louis> Body Piercing> Claire's Accessories.

River Front Times just came out with the best of the best for 2009. Well, even when I bring it up with strangers behind the cash register, they too are drawn to the same ridiculousness that is St. Louis's Best Body Piercing: Claire's Accessories. Lame. Reading the article you can agree with the author that getting your ears pierced is a rite of passage, especially as a girl.

My own experience? My mom told me it was illegal in Georgia to get your ears pierced before you turned double digits (aka 10 years old). Though with most of my 4th grade class decked out in none-other-than plastic dangles from Claire's I knew that was just my mom's own law.

However my mom did have me convinced on something else. That they used a gun to pierce your ears. A double barrel rifle. She would describe in detail lining up clients against a door, the piercer would stand back and use their best aim. BAM BAM BAM and pray they landed the stud in your ear. Forget if it was against the law or not, the image of the rifle made my palms sweat. Did I about walk out the door when the lady at Merle Norman said, "Just one moment and I'll go get the earring gun," yes, yes I almost did.

Rite of passage, yes, but do I want to slap the face of the awesome dudes at Enigma that pierced my eyebrow and my nose and compare them to the Disney/Cute Punk Jewelry pusher thats crammed between American Eagle and Wilson's Leather? Nope, I don't.

Just give us this! Whip It.

Today I saw Whip It, Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, staring so many talented women I think it may take my brain power and another to wrap my mind around it.

Even though I have several (guy)friends that go to St. Louis's Roller Derby month matches I couldn't find anyone to skate along with me to the movies. Which is dangerous because I went to the one where I accidentally used the men's restroom after High School Musical 3 and was scared off when coming out of the stall to find the general manager peeing at a urinal. I don't know why urinals look like sinks in my peripheral vision. But I digress.

I couldn't find any friend of the girl nature just because some of the reviews they read were so-so. If I go back and look at those reviews I will believe that 100% of them are stupid males that don't understand what it was like to be awkward with a vag in high school. Some of the scenes played out just like a chapter from my crazy chaotic high school years. I fondly remember grossing out Kathleen by verbally spewing out mental images of her parents conceiving her, just like Bliss (Ellen Page) did for Pash (Alia Shawkat) to make her lose her stomach full of crappy party beer.

It was awesome, and no I probably won't recommend it to my friends who get boners over Chanel Chokehold #5. They just won't get it, but I do, and I praise the gifted girls in front and behind the cameras.

So men, yes there wasn't enough girl on girl fighting or action for you. Just suck it and just give us this, an awesome grrrrl movie that was made to move us. If it moves you too, well, then, just email me and we can act out the scene where Smashley Simpson (Drew Barrymore) jumps on her fiancee and knocks him to the ground.

Other observations from Craigslist Personal Ads

1. Dear Mr. "i need a date tonight yes now black male race open - 33 (stl)" what the hell does that mean??

2. Dear "WTF!! - 25" to quote you: "Ok...so im really getting sick of all these fake ass people on this site!!! Is it really necessary to post something just to get someone to visit your amateur porn site? Is it really that serious!!?? Im really starting to think that there are no real people out there anymore. I guess if there are any REAL women out there looking for a REAL man than e-mail me. BTW im a 25 y/o swm...anything else u can ask me."

I bet you are really sad that you can't edit the font on Craigs list because your last line of "No bbws please, (no offense, just not my thing)" would make you look more like a fake ass person if it was bolded.

3. Dear "College grad finally... - 22 (St. Charles)" I can completley understand opening your picture in paint and covering your face. It makes total sense you want to see the other person emailing you before you reveal your sexy self. What I don't understand is why did you white out the big cock by your face. I bet it brings out your eyes. Also you didn't have to put an arrow on your shirt, I know where to find the small dicks!

4. Dear "Seeking An Age Gap Relationship - 53 (St. Peters)" You say that this "Age Gap Relationship" thing has worked for you but I question that since due to the language in the ad like this is not a sugar daddy thing, you like submissives and you are divorced. P. S. the young ones tend to point, laugh and runaway when you ask them to be your young submissive thang but not pay for their stuff, hello, its the only benefit for the age gap in the first place!

5. Dear "Best Guy on CL -26" This line: "I'm posting this on Friday evening. It's sunny and beautiful outside - last night was amazing too! The Cardinals clenched the division." in fact does NOT "prove this is real." My best guy on craigslist does NOT know that the Cardinals clenched the division or what baseball even is, he just asks me "Michaels or JoAnns tonight honey?"

Cause I'm an idiot and I'm your boyfriend

Read this Craigslist ad and tell me it doesn't remind you of Jimmy Fallon's song Idiot Boyfriend. And yes that is the picture he included.

I hardly ever call my mom. I kicked a puppy today, and would like to kick one tomorrow. I belch, fart and scratch myself in public. If I have sex with a woman, I expect her to pay for my pizza as she's walking out the door. Then I call her sister to come over and share it with me. Then I have sex with her too. I'm short, balding, fat and stupid. The fire department has rated me as the worst chef ever! And that's the only title I've ever held. I lie, cheat and steal-- usually with the same person if possible. I eat my weight in corndogs daily. I think Rosie O'Donnell is HOT!! OMG!! I believe a woman should know her place. I pass sexually based notes to married women in church. Then I denounce christianity as Satan's religion. I will tell your brother about our sex life. And your dad, just to see if I can give him a heart attack. I think it's funny when people die of a heart attack. I'll laugh at your father's funeral. Uncontrolably! I've cheated on every woman I have ever been with, and plan to cheat on you too! You must love cheaters to be with me! I'm going to give you some type of STD-- I'll decide which one after I meet you. I quit believing in honesty after I filled out my eHarmony compatability profile and they sent me a blow up sex doll. It was a Bea Arthur model. My friends spit on me routinely. And I rarely shower. I am looking for a lady that thinks all of that is fun! Drop me a line if that is you!

Douche Bag, Can you use it in a sentance please?

Douche Bag, D-o-u-c-h-e B-a-g, Douche Bag. A douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing what he looks like and it includes his BMI of 24.

Double Douche Bag. A double douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing that he is looking for a woman with a BMI of under 26 and directs females to the Google BMI calculator in case they don't know it off the top of their head.

Just like he is going to ask a lot of questions of you if you still live at home, I am going to ask you a lot of questions if you are interested in a douche bag to the ninth power.

Unhappily Married - 28 (St. Louis West)

I don't know why but I just want to find this guy and bring my fying pan. I mean I have read worse unhappily married ads on craigslist but something about this one really gets to me. I've bolded the jerkest parts. What grosses me out the most is he would string someone, his wife, along until he has found someone to replace her. Which women reply to these ads???

Hi, I am a real guy, not some ad that will send you spam. I am attractive and in good shape. I exercise, I have a nice physique. I am 6 feet tall with blue eyes. I have a great career. I am educated. I am, like many people I suppose, not content with my home life. I am no player and I am not just looking for sex or a hookup.

What I am looking for is:

-A woman between 28 and 40. -Who also is in good shape (don't have to be perfect. Nobody is. But please, I don't want someone who has let themselves go. I have that at home).

-Who is nice and kind and can carry on a conversation.

I am not looking for a girlfriend necessarily, but I'm also not looking for just a cheap thrill. I am not looking to change your status or interfere with your life. I am a very normal fellow, not some sex addict or pervert. I'd like to get to know you via email for awhile at first and take things slowly. Eventually we can exchange pictures, then decide if we will meet. If we do meet, it will be in public somewhere. I want to get to know you as a person. If it leads to other things, great. If not, I've met a nice lady who I can count as a friend.

Is more room good or bad?

Its hard to say if more room is good or bad. More storage equals MORE CRAP especially if you run with packers like Kathleen and I. I just saw this Igloo Stand Alone Shelf Storage. I wish to the high heavens that I had the room for this. Check out the full article at Apartment Therapy.

Kathleen is going to say this is racist.

I just rediscovered Remy tonight. He really cracks me up. Plus there is nothing sexier than a parody. NOTHING!

Forget Harry Potter, I like random True Blood references.

Lisa works in another department than mine, but I walk past her desk on the way to the elevators. I have become very comfortable with her as well as the other ladies in what we call "Back Office." Lisa, Abbey and I have a comradeship when it comes to books and most things Science Fiction.

Its always a nice feeling to have that person you can walk by and say "Did you see last night episode?" and proceed in the Those-of-you-who-don't-watch-this-show-won't-understand cryptic talk.

Today Lisa insisted that I try her "bleeding" berry pie that wouldn't stop juicing. Of course no one else understood when I said she was probably a Maenad and trying to feed me a Heart Pot Pie like Mary Anne does in Season 2 Episode 8 of True Blood to Tara and Eggs. Which eating the pot pie made from Daphne's heart makes them go crazy and do the black-eyed chaotic sex thing.

I love random references like I love vampire romances.

Thats what I said!

Back on June 30th I busted out laughing while searching the St. Louis Craigslist personal Ads. Someone actually wanted someone to come to their house and sit in their tub full of noodles. The insanity went on to describe that they had to sit in there for 5 minutes, a neighbor across the hall would stop watch to make sure there was no cheating and no BYOS (bring your on sauce), no worries he had his own!

Well today my friends I was sent a little link by my Pop-Culture-Equal, my co-worker Tobben. Once again I busted out laughing when I saw the heading "20 Most Bizarre Craigslist Adverts of All Time." Telegraph is a London newspaper and immediately I was stoked to be eating my warmed over Skillet Spaghetti with some funnies to read.

Then I got to #5. I gasped to Tobben, "#5 was a St. Louis post THAT I POSTED ON MY BLOG!" I also said the post was better than just the paraphrased portion in the article.

I then had a hard time eating my chosen lunch. Then thought about how crazy small the world is. And, even though I just started a sentence with "and" and ended the last one with a preposition I would be happy to write for any national or foreign newspaper. I also wouldn't mind going over to London and snogging some blokes either.

Comber of Craigslist Crazies= HELLO DREAM JOB!

Inside my head.

This morning I fixed three eggs over easy for breakfast. I accidentally tore one of the yokes when breaking the eggs. And a magical eagle appeared to me in the eggs. So I took a picture of it and have photo shopped it a little to help you see what I saw. I wanted to save them and sell them on EBay like those people who find Jesus or Mary in toast or Cheetos, but my hunger said "Nae, let us feast on the magical eagle!"

Always a bridesmaid... hellzyeah!

So if you love weddings like I do, I'm sure you love Oncewed.com. When ever I have a sugar craving, reading this blog can give me my fill sans calories! Today I picked out some of my favorite pictures of Bridesmaids. I really enjoy my duties and the dress. I look forward to some of my friends get married soon so I can get wedding crafty again.

Every wedding needs some face 'staches! I love fun shots like this!

Forget the dress, you can totally reuse these boots!

If love floral prints that are very retro inspired! Also I love a good foot shot.

Hold those socks up!

I don't know what it is about these SWANclothing sock garters,, but I think they are awsome.

I need some suggestions

I have been in love with this tenticale muffler ever since I saw it on Craft: October 2007. I think I am going to try and create something like this to wear for winter. Any ideas kids? It looks crocket/knitted and I'm not the best with needles (in my arm or with yarn). I'm worried about just making a tube with circles on it and it not having the same life-like effect this one has.

I want this coin purse so bad

At only $3.99 I think I am going to have to buy this and save it for my kids as a sign of the times! If you want to get your own just head on over to BlueQ.

What does it take?

I have had several sex ed classes. I know that I have the power to say "No." That I don't have to take anything from anyone. So in this post 3rd wave feminism society how do agents talk B,C,D and even sometimes A-list celebrities in to doing these movie franchises? To set the scene I was on the way to work when a radio ad for Bring it On: Fight to the Finish came on. Available on DVD in a few weeks.

Bring It On, the original, I love love that movie. Bring It On Again, I have never seen and appropriately it had actresses I've never heard of either. Bring It on: All or Nothing, how do they get Hayden Panettiere and Solange Knowles?? Bring It On: In It To Win It, well I guessed that they were In It To Win It because the last movie they were like, o-m-g All or Nothing. They were able to score one big name for In It To Win It: Tisdale- Jennifer Tisdale, as in High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale's little sister! And now... Bring It On: Fight to the Finish, with the lead conflicted (yet determined) cheerleader role going to Christina Milian.

In case you lost track that is five.. FIVE Bring It On Movies.

So what does it take to sit down Christinia Milian and compliment her, brag on her, get her a bottle of water and then try to get her into the fifth installment of a movie franchise where the last four movies were made for TV/straight to DVD. Did they lie to her and say they were going to promote this in the theater? Did they tell her this was the stepping stone to being like her idols? Did they paint beautiful mental pictures of how they always dreamed of Christina Milian starring in their Bring It On Spectacular Spectacular?

I just want to know what they say for the "yes" because they can always say "no."

Well in 10 years time...

In 1999 I was obsessed with this song, and its accompanying music video. I found it tonight. What was I thinking?

Multi and Mini

If I could, everything would have a miniature version of itself and a multi version of itself. I love everything small, just some things need to be real size for "real people" time. Yes, that was a sexual innuendo. Also I love having things by the dozens. Like my overwhelming need for collecting Mexican and religious items.

Now in this instance I am drawing on the desire of multiples as I recently found another Single Ladies redo on YouTube. Don't lie to me when you see 100 ladies doing that dance in unison you feel something. No, no that was not a sexual innuendo.

Wedding Fan.

Weddings are expensive. Most times women just want someone to pay for a party they can decorate. Thats why I like decorating for every day. Butttt I still love weddings. Yes I have a white dress picked out and color ideas, but right now that isn't about me! Since my B.F.F. is a book nut I just saw the cutest idea for table numbers for a wedding with this DIY vintage book table numbers project by Bird and Banner on Once Wed.

MIA

...and not that MIA-                     

I mean lame ole me. sorry i'm studying like CRAZY because i'm gonna take the GRE's (GREs?) -jesus i can't even figure out punctuation- let alone the meaning of excoriate (to scold in a biting way). and let's not speak of math. so i'm sorry i'm lame. i'll be back. maybe a word of the day situation. don't try and get me, either, you already got one today. excoriate. 

Fashion Math

How I got $245 worth of Lane Bryant clothing for $70

Playing around with my "virtual closet" on photoshop

In planning for the Fall I have been looking at what necessities I will need to make it through the St. Louis winter at the office. For one I am going to need to get a snow boot, I can still remember shoveling snow in my only boots I own which are high heeled black boots that come under my knee. I have had this one idea in my mind for an outfit and I wanted to get an opinion on it.

The purple dress is the one I bought for Paula's wedding, the black belt is the one that I bought at Torrid with the black sweater for $20, the boots are the closest replicas of the one I own currently. The only thing I do not own is the Turtle neck that is from Old Navy. What do y'all think? Should I wear black tights under the dress and boots? Let me know!

Marry, Sexual Relations and Kill

Have you ever played that game where someone says three celebrity names (or for a messier game three friend's names) and you have to say which one you would marry, which one you would know in the biblical sense and who you would kill. I enjoy this game but haven't played it in awhile. While on Piperlime.com today window shopping for shoes I decided to play the game.

I could go on and on with this game. All I wanna say though is how come there was a "Sort By Section" and "Boots Over The Knees" was a new section?? That is something I would definitely like to kill. Unless you are in some kinda rad photo shoot over the knee boots have no place in society.

I'm a Kitty Cat and I Dance Dance Dance

Can anyone explain why I am so drawn to this T-Shirt from Torrid? At first glance it does look like racoons, I thought that it was going to be an ironic T-shirt. Kathleen is right, it does sound like a T-shirt you pick up from Wings at the beach.

oh kay i love this

This blog is amazing. Anyone got some spare cashola lying around?

love and birthdays.

Middles School Troublestarter

In middle school, especially 7th grade I got in heaps of trouble and did spend my fair share time outside dusting chalk erasers. This video reminds me of those days.

Firekites - AUTUMN STORY - chalk animation from Lucinda Schreiber on Vimeo.

I wish I was friends with Tim Burton

And that I had Alice's dress.

Of course Disney won't let anyone embed this video. Sigh.

Remember when I said I wanted to be an advice columinst?

And I said I would make questions up if no one sent me any? well, someone did. and i thank her. here's my crack at helping:

kathleen,

i have a problem. the thing about this problem is, it's going to sound like a joke, but it is really very real. here we go:i like rough sex. i'm into that sort of thing in a major way. my current boyfriend, who is totally my soul mate, completely satisfies me in every way, BUT he is too large in the penis to engage in the sort of rough and tumble sex i crave without there being dire consequences (last time i bruised my cervix). what do i do?

sincerely,sore in the south

Faced with my first opportunity to offer some advice, I obviously had no idea what to do and turned immediately to this generation's true Ann Landers, the internet. I must say, you’ve posed an interesting question in that while I was able to find lots of testimonials of women who’d felt pain after rough sex, most of them just wanted to know what was going on or what to do, not how to fix the problem long term. Usually anyone responding to them told them that they had probably been torn or bruised and said to take some Tylenol.

So first things first, the responsible advising thing to do, as garnered from trolling the internet and also years of devotion to Dan Savage (who surprisingly offered little help on this particular problem) is to recommend that you take a trip to the gyno first if you haven’t in a while. Considering you know you bruised your cervix, you may well have done this already. If not, it might be a good idea just to make sure nothing else is going on that could be exacerbating the pain. I read some real horror stories on all sorts of sites dedicated to lady parts that made me want to run to the doctor as well.

Next, let’s talk about the bruised cervix because that’s a specific we know. The other dire consequences we can go into later. One thing that might be helpful is to keep track of your menstrual cycle so you can gauge the position of your cervix. At times when it sits lower, like at the beginning of your cycle and after ovulation, you’ll know to be especially careful.

As for other consequences, such as pain, tearing or bleeding, there are several things that might help. If your partner feels to big, work slowly (and with a lot of lube) on easing into different angles and positions that hurt less. The lube thing may be important, as the number one reason for tearing (and consequently bleeding) is a lack of proper lubrication. Make sure you’re good and turned on (foreplay, boys!) before you start and if you’re going to be having sex for a while, make sure you stay, for lack of a better term, oiled up. Another frequent cause for pain and tearing is tension. You may not even realize you’re tensing up, but your body may be doing it in response to remembering former pain. So maybe a glass of wine first.
Another thing worth considering, and you may well have already, is toys. If your boyfriend is just too big, maybe invest in something that isn't, either to get you going or just to use once in a while.

And the most important bit of advice, and the something that actually comes from me, is to just keep talking about it and working on it with your partner. All the message board ladies were willing to testify that there is no such thing as too big, it just takes time and effort and communication (and, again, angling). C'mon, with love anything is possible.

Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore

I think Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore would be my first picks of awesome chicks in Hollywood I would like to emulate in life. Oh and this movie is going to be AWESOME!

Tarot Compatibility with my crush

I am the Priestess and my crush is The Magician.

A match made in heaven best describes the connubial bliss of a duo that moves through the world with the grace of dance partners Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. The active yang principle of the Magician meets with the receptive yin of the Priestess like a hand fits in a glove. Each of you instinctively understands how to complement the other. And while the Magician usually takes the lead in financial and domestic decisions, the Priestess is the one who most naturally knows how to attract those changes in an effortless and flowing way. This is one of those rare combinations where lovers can also become successful business partners as the Priestess intuitively knows how to best execute the Magician's grand schemes. The challenge in this union lies in the Magician's thoughtless trampling of the Priestesses' highly psychic feelings. For this union to work, the Magician needs to remember that there is strength in the intuitive softness of the Priestess. And the priestess benefits by learning that even though the Magician failed diplomacy school, it's often by actions not words that a magician shows his love.

In major need of some Romance.

I need to be held. I need to be kissed. I need to breath passionately.

This intensity I've felt the past few days has been multiplied by my trip to the fabric store today. The lady cutting my fabric had some helpful advice about switching to a size 16 needle and getting better thread. Then told me about her night, "...I walked in and my Cat was sleeping on my bed, yes I sleep with a cat and not a man, I don't have a husband."

I had a longing in my heart for someone who loves me to pick up my other items off the fabric cutting station, kiss me tenderly and assure me that we didn't have to rush out of JoAnne's if I wanted to stay.

Sigh.

Call me crazy but...

If you get to the chorus of Jordin Spark's new single Battlefield (on this YouTube link its around 50 seconds in) if you listen closely it sounds like the music to "Our God is an Awesome God"

Kinda creepy!

what i do in my spare time.

it would be  a lot cooler if by my caption i meant i was the bassist in this band, named SHREDDER, but instead i just draw pictures of them- Tag is on the electric guitar and everyone's secret crush Elder Whip is on drums- and watch Jurassic Park and eat honey nut cheerios. 

A star is born a star burns out.

The unexpected passing of my Grandad left me at a loss. I had all my Grandparents, up until last Wednesday. Grandad and my Grandma are the heart of our Oklahoma Brady Bunch Family. When my Grandparents got married Dick had four kids and my Grandma Betty Rae had five kids, but the only distinction of this difference is our skin and hair colors. Otherwise we are all for one and one for all: Duty / Rogers clan.

The only memorial service I have been too has been Kathleen's Grandmother Betty Jo. I have not seen a dead person until two days ago walking into the Funeral Home viewing of my Grandad laying there in the coffin. My grand mother buckled at the knees and would have fallen if her two sisters hadn't held her up. I don't think I've ever seen my Grandmother even cry at a movie. Seeing the sobs make her whole body convluse made me break down too. I kept waiting for my Grandad to sit up and say "Nownownow Betty Rae, its okay."

I am sadden for the reason we all came together, but we did laugh and celebrate too. I am forever changed. With mortality on my forefront of my mind, I think I will shift my wellbeing focus from mental to physical.

Here is my wonderful Grandad's obituary:

Memorial services for Richard Duty, 80, Ada, are 11 a.m. Monday at First Christian Church, the Rev. Vicki Crooks will officiate. Friends and family may call at Criswell Funeral Home on Sunday from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m.Mr. Duty died Wednesday, July 8, 2009, at an Oklahoma City hospital. He was born Dec. 19, 1928, at Pontotoc, Okla., to Richard J. and Mae Stewart Duty.He graduated from Tishomingo High School and the University of Oklahoma. He lived in the Ada area most of his life.He married Sue M. Smith in 1951 at Tishomingo. She died in 1969. He later married Betty Rae Thompson on Oct. 26, 1972. Mr. Duty was a professional chemical engineer at Kerr Lab and for the Environmental Protection Agency in water pollution control until his retirement. He was a member of the Disciples of Christ (First Christian Church) where he served as an elder and trustee. He was a member of the Gideon's International and had served in the U.S. Army.Survivors include his wife, Betty Duty, of the home; five sons, Stan Rogers and wife Vicki, Mechanicsville, Va., Steve Rogers and wife Patty, Stillwater, Sam Rogers and wife Mary Anne, Santa Fe, N.M., Scott Rogers and wife Nicole, Albuquerque, N.M., and Clint Duty and wife Beth, Tulsa; three daughters, Susan Rogers, Ada, Teresa Duty, Santa Fe, N.M., and Holly Easterling, Ada; a daughter-in-law, Kathleen Duty, Ada; grandchildren, Samantha Sanders and husband Ryan, Sarah Rogers, Claire Snelson and husband Joe, Stephanie Rogers, Seth Rogers, Michael Smola and Julia Smola, Cedar Easterling, Justin Vigil, Cory Rogers and Kayla Rogers, Andrew Duty, Kate Duty, Madelyn Duty, Emily Duty, and Hannah Duty, Zach Duty and wife Sarah, and Quinton Duty and Karlee Duty; and great grandchildren, Caden and Kylee Duty, Jameson Snelson and Rylee Sanders.He was preceded in death by his parents, Richard J. and Mae Stewart Duty, a son, David L. Duty; two sisters, Mary Gayle Reynolds and Dana Blair; and a brother, Michael S. Duty. Honorary bearers will be Bert Bledsoe, Jack Keeley, Kennett Ball, Dick Scalf, Jim Green, Ed Paulsen, Bill Baker, Jack Witherow, Clint Hall and Lowell Leach.The family says those who wish may make memorials to the Youth Fund of the First Christian Church, 101 E. 13th, Ada, OK 74820.Online guest book is available at www.adaeveningnews.com.Criswell Funeral Home, Ada

TA DA!

It works everytime!

So my parents are coming in to town Saturday and I am trying to convience them that I don't live in a bad part of town. Despite having my door kicked in and the domestic disputes outside. I really do live in a good part of town. Though the recent Colt 45 billboards and Advertising may point to a diffrent conclusion. Every bus stop in St. Louis and several billboards have popped up with this refreshing malt liquor ad. Classic!

today i want to be an advice columnist.

you know that old adage "those who can do, those who can't, teach" Well i've always thought that was horseshit, but the sentiment might ring true as far as my brand new life goal for the day. as of ten minutes ago i wanna be an advice columnist. how does one do that? i guess i should solicit problems first. anyone got a problem? please submit it to this blog or email me. (you are all my friends, so you know my email address and i probably know all your problems already. this is like advice columning with training wheels. ) and don't anyone get snippy with me, i haven't watched season 7 of sex and the city in like a month. if you don't give me any questions, i 'll just make some up as if i'd been e-mailed. 

Molehill to you but Mountain to me.

I have always found real people more appealing than celeberties. I do have to keep up with celeberties because otherwise I wouldn't have anything funny for my co-workers. But I consider those jokes are "for the man."

If you know me well enough you know I have several online blogs/web series that I'm obsessed with. Like Indy Mogul. Bobby Miller, host of The Best Short Films in the World, just announced a new show that is premiering on Indy Mogul July 9th "The Reel Good Show." Of course you can follow the status of this show by Twittering. Which me and Kathleen do NOT do.

My comment to this was: I still have never even been to twitters page. I hate how there are so many things invovle twitter. I made a promise of abstience with God against twitter. I screwed up that whole waiting for marriage thing, so I atleast owe it to the big guy to not twitter. Its the devil.

Bobby Miller actually responded to my comment with "This comment is amazing." Like a school girl I'm so stoked. O-m-g he actually responded. Awesome.

I'm on a roll. And avoiding doing the dishes.

Okay, so the past few times I've looked for an apartment I get on this Craigs List kick. Because it worked with this apartment, I just need to save more during this fruitful economy. It always starts with apartments, then I look for a new desk, think about selling my Ikea sterling silver serving cart, go to strictly platonic and then end up looking at personal Ads. I'm sorry but you can't make this stuff up! Current Ad I am readings says Title: Pissed off at your EX? Read this 24 St. Louis "Wanting to blow off some steam? Look no further than here. Vent your anger by kicking me in the balls. I am a strange person, but I like getting hit down there. I am serious. Hopefully you can kick hard. "

I assume this guy gets off to America's Funniest Home Videos? Or wishes that was him tossing the baseball to his cute kid or falling down to straddle a rail or walking carelessly into something crotch height

Apartment Therapy Scavenger Hunt: M.J.

I like a lot of the items on Apartment Therapy. I have no ill will towards the late Michael Jackson, Mr. Pop. But what would you say if your Grandmother gave this too you? If I was dating someone and we had the "If you could get rid of one of my belongings from the apartment what would it be?" conversation. I would point to this. P.S. I would strongly advise against this conversation. We both know you don't have the balls to tell them what you really want to give up. Instead you cop out and go for the easy kill.

Am I flattered?

Five seconds after posting about the snappers my neighbors started setting off whistling fireworks. Am I flattered they read Two Best Friends dot com? Or am I going to call the police? Find our on the next exciting episode of Fireworks Of Our Lives.

Signs that I am not 10 anymore.

My next door neighbor or someone on this street keeps throwing snaps against the ground, my building, their building, their door, their window and its driving me insane. I remember when I use to BEG mom to buy these for me in Oklahoma, because you couldn't buy them in VA. They are easy to convience your parents to buy because there is no fire involved but there is a fun pop! Totally appropriate for kids and the 4th of July. BUT TUESDAY JUNE 30 2009!!?? Especially since at first I thought it was gun fire (again I was fooled by the fireworks). Ugh! Be quiet you young whipper-snappers!

I know people put some weird stuff on Craigslist but this takes the noodle!

I will pay you $50 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. I will require at least a 5 minutes stay. A neighbor will watch the front door from across the street and using a supplied stopwatch, will time your entry and departure. Please supply your own footwear. The noodles will be cooked, and therefore slippery. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner. I am particular about who sits in my noodles so email me a picture of you in your one piece bathing suit and I will let you know if get the money.

New apartment

I am looking for a new apartment to save money and I'm finding some places that are 300-400 square feet? Do we think this is big enough? How big is that? What would I have to downsize too? Suggestions are welcome!

Tarot cards, physcics and movies?

Have you ever seen a preview to a Movie and it read exactly like that question you asked that "free" tarot card service? Or even the online magic 8 ball.

Well awhile ago I saw the preview for Puccini for Beginners. Basic story is a lesbian starts dating a man and accidental starts dating his ex girlfriend at the same time. CRAZY Iknow.

Well I was so curious as to who she would end up with. I compared it to my life of these sudden feelings for the opposite sex.

*SPOILER ALERT* So I finally watched the movie over the weekend. It was okay. She ended back up with her ex-girlfriend that she broke up with at the beginning of the movie.

I guess like a magic eight ball saying "It is undecided" I will have to make up my own mind about my sexuality. How unfair is that!!

saturday 3 pm

 and the location is my apartment, where in my own strange way, i'm mourning the death of michael jackson.  Its hot as hell so i'm sitting here in only a pair of high waisted granny panties, but all the candles in the place are ablaze anyway, and i'm playing " I want you back" on repeat, thinking about life after an icon. i would not say that the news ever brought me tears, or that i could claim his music kept me going, nor i could i promise i never made a joke at his expense or deny that i was creeped out by his bizarre actions and wasted face in the recent past. 

what i can say, though, is that in his absence i have lost a piece of the cultural landscape i was born into. No matter that his influence was not an overt or direct presence in my life, in 1984, the year of my birth, Michael Jackson was the most important player in the popular culture of the time. by then he was already a veteran performer and his record thriller was two years into the process of becoming the best selling album of all time.  and still the sound of his childhood voice  echoed from the past on radios in homes, cars and shopping centers where they entered  the collective conciousness of a generation. True, the contemporaries of Macaulay Culkin, a lot of us grew up with a developed awareness of Whacko Jacko and the sort of school bus jokes that accompanied his increasingly erratic behavior. Still, the made for tv movies about his difficult childhood that hit airwaves in my adolesence still resonate, and now that I have the safety of hindsight, i can say that Michael Jackson's death has me saddened and a little lost. like everyone gone before his time, we haven't had time to prepare for the void. a part of my past, our past, the past, is gone. 

sarah, no.

i know you really really really love twilight but you CANNOT buy this shit. 

this bitch stole my glasses

...and my body

what a lovely evening.

lately i have felt a palpable tension in everyone i know. maybe it's the weariness that comes from worrying about money for too long and too much. maybe it's the still darkening skies although its mid june and everyone is lusting for popsicle weather. last week i felt like someone kept tightening my nerves until they snapped and i ended up as watery a mess as the rest of philadelphia. i am, i think, knee deep in a quarter life crisis; i don't really like my job, i'm still getting comfortable in my home, and there's no guide for the in-between-love-and-other-more-serious-milestones place where my relationship squarely sits. so last thursday i just let it overwhelm me and things have been better ever since i gave up trying to control things. 

so now i am calm, lying in bed with my love, watching harvey. we ate bar-be-qued chicken we made on the george foreman grill for dinner and i'm drinking white wine and feeling sleepy. it's gotten warm enough to lay here in my underpants and a too tight t-shirt that says i *heart* sailors  with the fan blowing across the both of us. i'm very content, for now, and it's enough. 

Music is my great-grandmother's friend.

Song: Love Like The Movies
Artist: The Avett Brothers
Discovered the Band: They came to Longwood for Spring Weekend 2004

Mood: Just finished watching “You’ve Got Mail” and are crying from when Tom Hanks says: “Well... if I hadn't been Fox Books and you hadn't been The Shop Around the Corner, and you and I had just, well... met... I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?"

Lyrics: So you want to be in love like the movies / But in the movies they're not in love at all / And with a twinkle in their eyes / They're just saying their lines / So we can't be in love like the movies

Now in the movies they make it look so perfect / And in the background they're always playing the right song / And in the ending there's always a resolution / But real life is more than just two hours long

So you want to be in love like the movies / But in the movies they're not in love at all / And with a twinkle in their eyes / They're just saying their lines / So we can't be in love like the movies

Well you can freeze frame any moment from a movie / Or run the whole damn thing backwards from reel to reel / But I don't see one single solitary light technician / Or one single camera in this moonlit field

I don't want to be in love like the movies / Cause in the movies they're not in love at all / With a twinkle in their eyes / They're just saying their lines / So we can't be in love like the movies. / And with a twinkle in their eyes / They're just saying their lines / And so we can't be in love like the movies./ Nooooooo / We can't be in love like movies

Seeing The Avett Brothers Thursday: Hells Yes!

I don't know how to help my friend.

I don't know how to help my friend. She's in love with a boy. Who has been in a long term relationship for several years, but neither of us knew. She is so confused. It breaks my heart, as she wishes nothing but happiness for him. I wonder if he knows her feelings. We were curious about his girlfriend and I asked another aquintence of his. The only description was thin, really reall thin. Which made my friend feel self conscious with the odds stacked against her. I wish I could make her see how beautiful she is; I heard a song in the bathroom of Outback last night that describes her "Diamonds on the inside" by Ben Harper. I'm at such a loss. She kinda reminds me of Jane Bennet, from Pride and Prejeduce (yes I just finished), she is trying to put away all these feelings and act like he doesn't affect her, that his friendship is enough. As Elizabeth Bennet, I can see he has some affection for her but I think world circumstances will keep them apart. Sigh. Such heavy feelings for 10am on a Saturday.

Ahhhh!

Looking on Apartment Therapy.com I found this vintage card catalogue for $700 in Brooklyn. All I want is a vintage card catalogue cabinet. I'd probably pay $1,000 + for the one from my elementary school Mimosa from Atlanta.