New Moon to wipe out the dusk of Twilight

Yesterday I got an email from iTunes. My preorder of the New Moon soundtrack was ready to download. Originally slated for a October 20th release, they bumped it up to the October 16th. I wish they would do the same with the movie, but the soundtrack is different from all the money they've spent on trailers and posters for the main feast.

My anticipation for the soundtrack did not come from the okayish Twilight soundtrack or the mystery surrounding the sequel. I will be glad that I will have not seen the full movie in segments by the time it is finished and in theaters, unlike its predecessor.

In terms of the soundtrack as I explained to Kathleen the songs were good threads that felt right during the movie but listening back to back in their entirety wasn't enjoyable. Reading the Bust Magazine's Blog review from Eliza really hit the nail of the head, "The last one was laughably terrible and full of your standard Hot Topic fare."

My anticipation came when I saw some of the names being thrown around as possibilities, as read on Twilight Lexicon (King of Kings for Bella and Edward lovers). When I preordered my digital copy I also got one single Satellite Heart by Anya Marina. Hello goosebumps. Now that I have all 19 gems? Its smooth, its dark, its the loss of your first love and me like! Just don't hold a gun to my head and ask me to choose between Whip It and New Moon for favorite soundtrack bought this month, or even this year.

i have returned..

..not necessarily triumphant. I took the GRE's and am coming out of the mourning my less than stellar score. how can a person spend so much time studying and still not break 700 on verbal...and let's leave math alone. 

BUT, as I said, I am done mourning. Today i am enjoign a study free saturday. I'm wearing the tuxedo t-shirt (complete with red carnation) that agent 99 bought from the five below and reading Dracula (illustrated by Edward Gorey)  in bed. Also listening to Van Helsing's Jukebox, an excellent song by Man Man, and feeling very black and white and red and grown up Halloween chic. I think black and red and white are in fact Halloween colors for grown ups. I know, I know, Halloween is in essence a children's holiday, but I can't help loving that creepy, lovely feeling that steals over me in October. Hence my attempts to celebrate in my own fashion. And le tme tell ou, this book is quite creepy. Dracula is scaling walls headfirst, climbing with his toes and fingers, he's running around as a wolf and feeding kidnapped children in burlap sacks to his succubi. He is also draining the lovely Lucy Westerna dry, though she has been hiding the evidence under a velvet ribbon and diamond buckle choker. 

The only thing I wish is that Edward hadn't drawn only the backside of the Count. I wand to see his Sam Eliott style moustache and I also wish he didn't resemble an outdoor park trench coat pervert quite so much. 

How can a piece of cardstock that is 2 x 1 inchs give me such a complex?

This past week some of us got business cards. I blurred the numbers since they are not for the public. Besides the fact I can now put them in a bowl for a free Chipotle Burrito drawing, I am a little freaked about having such an adult thing in my possession. It seems really surreal to me. If I was Alice in Wonderland this business card is the note on the corporate juice bottle: Drink Me.

My favorite short film so far of 2009.

Obvious Child from Gillian Robespierre on Vimeo.

Jenny Slate in the new girl on SNL. Though after her first show, she'll probably be known as "That girl that dropped the F-Bomb." Bust Magazine's blog had a link to a short film that Jenny did pre-Saturday Night. This is a beautiful glimpse of a woman I can relate too. I can relate to her because her life is messy, she dances crazy, knows the value of a thrift store, pees in public and she can admit that heart hurts. I look forward to seeing more of Ms. F-ing Slate and the director Gillian Robespierre. P.S. Handle Bar mustaches distract me too.

RFT's Best of St. Louis> Body Piercing> Claire's Accessories.

River Front Times just came out with the best of the best for 2009. Well, even when I bring it up with strangers behind the cash register, they too are drawn to the same ridiculousness that is St. Louis's Best Body Piercing: Claire's Accessories. Lame. Reading the article you can agree with the author that getting your ears pierced is a rite of passage, especially as a girl.

My own experience? My mom told me it was illegal in Georgia to get your ears pierced before you turned double digits (aka 10 years old). Though with most of my 4th grade class decked out in none-other-than plastic dangles from Claire's I knew that was just my mom's own law.

However my mom did have me convinced on something else. That they used a gun to pierce your ears. A double barrel rifle. She would describe in detail lining up clients against a door, the piercer would stand back and use their best aim. BAM BAM BAM and pray they landed the stud in your ear. Forget if it was against the law or not, the image of the rifle made my palms sweat. Did I about walk out the door when the lady at Merle Norman said, "Just one moment and I'll go get the earring gun," yes, yes I almost did.

Rite of passage, yes, but do I want to slap the face of the awesome dudes at Enigma that pierced my eyebrow and my nose and compare them to the Disney/Cute Punk Jewelry pusher thats crammed between American Eagle and Wilson's Leather? Nope, I don't.

Just give us this! Whip It.

Today I saw Whip It, Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, staring so many talented women I think it may take my brain power and another to wrap my mind around it.

Even though I have several (guy)friends that go to St. Louis's Roller Derby month matches I couldn't find anyone to skate along with me to the movies. Which is dangerous because I went to the one where I accidentally used the men's restroom after High School Musical 3 and was scared off when coming out of the stall to find the general manager peeing at a urinal. I don't know why urinals look like sinks in my peripheral vision. But I digress.

I couldn't find any friend of the girl nature just because some of the reviews they read were so-so. If I go back and look at those reviews I will believe that 100% of them are stupid males that don't understand what it was like to be awkward with a vag in high school. Some of the scenes played out just like a chapter from my crazy chaotic high school years. I fondly remember grossing out Kathleen by verbally spewing out mental images of her parents conceiving her, just like Bliss (Ellen Page) did for Pash (Alia Shawkat) to make her lose her stomach full of crappy party beer.

It was awesome, and no I probably won't recommend it to my friends who get boners over Chanel Chokehold #5. They just won't get it, but I do, and I praise the gifted girls in front and behind the cameras.

So men, yes there wasn't enough girl on girl fighting or action for you. Just suck it and just give us this, an awesome grrrrl movie that was made to move us. If it moves you too, well, then, just email me and we can act out the scene where Smashley Simpson (Drew Barrymore) jumps on her fiancee and knocks him to the ground.

Other observations from Craigslist Personal Ads

1. Dear Mr. "i need a date tonight yes now black male race open - 33 (stl)" what the hell does that mean??

2. Dear "WTF!! - 25" to quote you: "Ok...so im really getting sick of all these fake ass people on this site!!! Is it really necessary to post something just to get someone to visit your amateur porn site? Is it really that serious!!?? Im really starting to think that there are no real people out there anymore. I guess if there are any REAL women out there looking for a REAL man than e-mail me. BTW im a 25 y/o swm...anything else u can ask me."

I bet you are really sad that you can't edit the font on Craigs list because your last line of "No bbws please, (no offense, just not my thing)" would make you look more like a fake ass person if it was bolded.

3. Dear "College grad finally... - 22 (St. Charles)" I can completley understand opening your picture in paint and covering your face. It makes total sense you want to see the other person emailing you before you reveal your sexy self. What I don't understand is why did you white out the big cock by your face. I bet it brings out your eyes. Also you didn't have to put an arrow on your shirt, I know where to find the small dicks!

4. Dear "Seeking An Age Gap Relationship - 53 (St. Peters)" You say that this "Age Gap Relationship" thing has worked for you but I question that since due to the language in the ad like this is not a sugar daddy thing, you like submissives and you are divorced. P. S. the young ones tend to point, laugh and runaway when you ask them to be your young submissive thang but not pay for their stuff, hello, its the only benefit for the age gap in the first place!

5. Dear "Best Guy on CL -26" This line: "I'm posting this on Friday evening. It's sunny and beautiful outside - last night was amazing too! The Cardinals clenched the division." in fact does NOT "prove this is real." My best guy on craigslist does NOT know that the Cardinals clenched the division or what baseball even is, he just asks me "Michaels or JoAnns tonight honey?"

Cause I'm an idiot and I'm your boyfriend

Read this Craigslist ad and tell me it doesn't remind you of Jimmy Fallon's song Idiot Boyfriend. And yes that is the picture he included.

I hardly ever call my mom. I kicked a puppy today, and would like to kick one tomorrow. I belch, fart and scratch myself in public. If I have sex with a woman, I expect her to pay for my pizza as she's walking out the door. Then I call her sister to come over and share it with me. Then I have sex with her too. I'm short, balding, fat and stupid. The fire department has rated me as the worst chef ever! And that's the only title I've ever held. I lie, cheat and steal-- usually with the same person if possible. I eat my weight in corndogs daily. I think Rosie O'Donnell is HOT!! OMG!! I believe a woman should know her place. I pass sexually based notes to married women in church. Then I denounce christianity as Satan's religion. I will tell your brother about our sex life. And your dad, just to see if I can give him a heart attack. I think it's funny when people die of a heart attack. I'll laugh at your father's funeral. Uncontrolably! I've cheated on every woman I have ever been with, and plan to cheat on you too! You must love cheaters to be with me! I'm going to give you some type of STD-- I'll decide which one after I meet you. I quit believing in honesty after I filled out my eHarmony compatability profile and they sent me a blow up sex doll. It was a Bea Arthur model. My friends spit on me routinely. And I rarely shower. I am looking for a lady that thinks all of that is fun! Drop me a line if that is you!

Douche Bag, Can you use it in a sentance please?

Douche Bag, D-o-u-c-h-e B-a-g, Douche Bag. A douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing what he looks like and it includes his BMI of 24.

Double Douche Bag. A double douche bag is a male leaving a personal ad on Craigslist describing that he is looking for a woman with a BMI of under 26 and directs females to the Google BMI calculator in case they don't know it off the top of their head.

Just like he is going to ask a lot of questions of you if you still live at home, I am going to ask you a lot of questions if you are interested in a douche bag to the ninth power.

Unhappily Married - 28 (St. Louis West)

I don't know why but I just want to find this guy and bring my fying pan. I mean I have read worse unhappily married ads on craigslist but something about this one really gets to me. I've bolded the jerkest parts. What grosses me out the most is he would string someone, his wife, along until he has found someone to replace her. Which women reply to these ads???

Hi, I am a real guy, not some ad that will send you spam. I am attractive and in good shape. I exercise, I have a nice physique. I am 6 feet tall with blue eyes. I have a great career. I am educated. I am, like many people I suppose, not content with my home life. I am no player and I am not just looking for sex or a hookup.

What I am looking for is:

-A woman between 28 and 40. -Who also is in good shape (don't have to be perfect. Nobody is. But please, I don't want someone who has let themselves go. I have that at home).

-Who is nice and kind and can carry on a conversation.

I am not looking for a girlfriend necessarily, but I'm also not looking for just a cheap thrill. I am not looking to change your status or interfere with your life. I am a very normal fellow, not some sex addict or pervert. I'd like to get to know you via email for awhile at first and take things slowly. Eventually we can exchange pictures, then decide if we will meet. If we do meet, it will be in public somewhere. I want to get to know you as a person. If it leads to other things, great. If not, I've met a nice lady who I can count as a friend.